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RPG Jokes

Role-Playing Games > Comedy Stuff

 Hail! This page has nothing to do with Dark Kingdoms, but is a little "extra" page where I have added some of the best of the comedy Dungeons and Dragons I have seen. Enjoy!

Top Ten Signs Your DM is Too Easy

1. The red dragon suddenly develops a chest cold, and cannot use it's breath weapon.
2. Your party sneaks into the lich's secret dungeons. Luckily for them, the lich has been born-again, and sent all his undead minions off to do charity work for the poor.
3. The phrase "Oh geez, what do I need with another +5 vorpal longsword" is used during game play.
4. Your cleric is on a first name basis with his god, because of all the times the god has had to pop in to save the cleric's butt.
5. Any major city has at least one "Ressurect-a-matic" on every street corner.
6. All the city's guards are first level, and are easily spooked by the flamefinger cantrip.
7. Bubba the Mighty, the most powerful and evil mage in the world, has a soft spot for fast-talking halflings. Instead of casting meteor swarm and annihilating the party, he decides to teleport away.
8. The party is dividing treasure. The fighter says "Ok, who wants the staff of the magi? Anybody? Anyone at all? Ok, we leave it leaning against a tree stump."
9. The DM uses a four sider to roll monster attacks.
10. The gods in your campaign worship the player characters.

Top Ten Signs Your DM is Too Hard
1. You've been playing for 3 weeks, and have 76 dead characters.
2. You're playing in Darksun, but still only use Method I to roll characters.
3. Your fighter gets a bit tipsy, and piches the barmaid's bottom. The barmaid pulls out her bow and her arrow of fighter slaying.
4. Your 15th level thief just had the snot kicked out of him by an eight year old girl.
5. There are lethal traps on every latrine door.
6. Most peasants have 20 hit dice, and many know the power word, kill spell.
7. Somehow you've done it. Your party has slain Emberburn, the most fearsome and powerful Red Dragon the DM has ever created. The DM stares at you in shock, still staring down at the "1" he rolled on the dragon's last attack. After poking him in the arm for five minutes, chanting "horde....horde.....horde...." over and over, he looks up at you. The look of surprise fades, and an evil grin replaces it. "As it happens," the DM says with glee, "the dragon had cast project image just before the party entered the cavern...".
8. Your mage has an argument with a local spice merchant. Finally, annoyed to the breaking point, he casts charm on the merchant. Sadly, the merchant is a retired 22nd level elven mage. Shaking your head, you reach for the statistic rolling dice once again...
9. Trees can, and often do, explode in huge, 20d6 hit die fireballs. No explanation is ever offfered.
10. Regular rabbits are gone. They have been replaced by the killer-rabbit from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail".

Top Ten Signs You Just Met the Main Bad Guy
1. Your assassin henchman just wet his pants.
2. The ancient red dragon you had just been fighting says "S**t, I'm out of here!" and flies away.
3. The bad guy just laughed evilly, and seven birds fell dead out of the sky.
4. The DM chuckles, and says "I spent seven hours rolling this guy up".
5. The bad guy burps, and a human toe flies out of his mouth.
6. The DM plays a tape of scary organ music, and starts talking like Boris Karloff.
7. The bad guy is dressed all in black, but has one of those little yellow smiley face buttons (DMs can be sooo sarcastic).
8. You point your wand of fire at him, and it melts.
9. The bad guy keeps Elminster in a cage, and occasionally pokes him with a fork.
10. After the battle, the only Player Character to survive is the one that stayed back in town with the flu.

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